Resources related to Neurodiversity

Terminology & some Random Thoughts

These are my own descriptions of some ND associated terms, and in no means meant to be an all-encompassing guide or encyclopedia, just an introduction! 

Neurodiversity - describes a group. Includes all presentations of neurology, which can be divided into neurotypical and neurodivergent. Neurodiversity is not linear, it is like a bicycle wheel (as in the image above), and each spoke represents a characteristic. Each characteristic is a bell curve where the two sides (or tails; hyper- and hypo-) determine what is divergent or different from what is ‘typical’ (the ‘belly’ of the curve).

Neurodivergent (ND) - describes an individual, expressing either high or low on a continuum.

Neurotypical (NT) - describes an individual that is within what is considered the typical range of the bell curve. The threshold of what is considered typical on a continuum is somewhat arbitrary, and based on how this impacts functioning.

AuDHD - experiencing both ADHD and autism, which sometimes can be fraught with internal contradictions.

ND-affirmative - a non-pathologizing perspective centering the ND experience and ND voices.

Self-diagnosis - is considered valid within the ND community. Formal diagnoses are expensive and with long wait-lists, and not always helpful beyond school years. Self-awareness may provide the insight needed to either find medication, the right therapy, or know how to live proactively and prevent things that are experienced as difficult. Personally I see my ND-ness as an identity, because having a diagnosis doesn’t feel empowering to me. ND is something that I am, not something I have.

Late-diagnosed - anyone who has lived through trying to understand themselves and not getting the support they needed. Could be anything from teens through late adulthood. Typically, late-diagnosed individuals have unconsciously learned to mask as a way to cope. 

Highly sensitive person (HSP) - A sometimes more accessible description of ND symptomatology, that became known through the book by Elaine Aron.

Aspberger / “high-functioning”/ “mild”/ “severe”  - these are now now considered dated terminology/ diagnoses. Aspberger has been archived because of its connection to experiments done in WWII concentration camps. If you are an Aspie and identify with this description please don’t let this deter you! Thinking of autism as “mild” or “high functioning” can minimize the struggle we experience. Operating on a machine we think of as “PC light” doesn’t change the disconnect of using apple commands.

* Instead we divide autism into three levels based on how much support the individual requires for daily living. Simplified, Level 1 autistic individuals may appear NT, whereas for Level 2 you may see behaviours like repetitive movement and vocalization, and Level 3 may need continuous functioning support. 

Intelligence - Neurodivergence has nothing to do with intelligence. We can be Level 3 autistic and highly intelligent (think Rainman). Intelligence is related to how we analyze information. It is a misnomer that intelligence is connected to our mental or emotional well-being. Self-criticism and predominantly viewing ourselves from a negative perspective is related to our mental well-being. Our ability to trust relationships is related to our emotional well-being. ND people can sometimes come across as slower, and take our time to respond. This is not because we are not computing things, but because we are processing so much information, not just the focus of the conversation or the words that are being spoken.

Memory - Many ND people struggle with memory. This may be related to how we process (digest) and filter information. Our struggle can be limited to a specific part of our memory, such as working memory. I like to think of working memory as a desk holding the tasks we have at hand. Our capacity to archive and recall information and memories is strongly connected to our mental and emotional well-being.

Executive functioning - Our ability to organize tasks that are required for something. We can get overwhelmed by all the thoughts around how to do something, and where to start.

* It can be helpful to know a little bit about how our nervous system functions. Many of us, ND or not, spend most of our time in our survival brain, or trauma brain. This ‘brain’ is designed to keep us out of danger. It is primed to detect threat, and hence we become hypervigilant. This can be reflected in our physiology with increased heat beat, jumpiness, and enlarged eyes. We want to spend most of our time in the ventral vagal ‘brain’, which is where our capacity for learning and social engagement is the best. We know that we are in our ventral vagal system when we feel playful, curious, and at ease. We were designed to live in the ventral vagal system, and use the survival system (fight, flight, freeze) as a backup when we truly are in danger. Somatic therapy includes body awareness, and learning to detect more subtle signs that our fight, flight or freeze reflexes have been activated.

* I also want to mention something about brain physiology. Our logical thinking happens in our pre-frontal cortex (the part of your brain right under your forehead). Our memory central is called the hippocampus. When we have strong emotions, our access to our ‘thinking brain’ and memory systems can become much more limited. These areas are sort of hijacked by our ‘emotional brain’ (the limbic system). One part of the limbic system is called the amygdala, and this area becomes activated when we are experiencing threat (fight, flight, freeze).

Learning Difference (LD) - medically referred to a disability, and some that are LD don’t resonate with this description. It is a difference because how we learn is different. It does not mean that we are less able to learn.

* Learning is divided into visual, auditory and kinesthetic learning. We all have one ‘mode’ of learning where we thrive more (or less) than the others. I for example can struggle to remember things when I only process the information through auditory neurons. Information sticks much better when I take it in visually (for example through reading), and kinesthetically (such as practicing my choir work on the piano). The school system is geared towards auditory and visual learning.

Masking - socially learned and usually unconscious ways to cover or mask symptoms of neurodivergence. Sticking out and being different is not socially rewarded, and can be associated with shame. So we learn to appear NT, even if we are not. It is like a “replacement self” that slides in and takes over. When we become aware of our ND identity we may still mask in certain situations, but this is now something we can choose and create boundaries and self-care practices around. I cannot overwmphasize how exhausting constantly masking is.  

Ableism - bias towards differently abled individuals; expecting the differently abled individual to adjust and accommodate the NT experience, so as not to burden or create discomfort for NT people.

Internalized ableism - believing the bias and judging ourselves in places where we are less able.

Invisible disability - a different ability that is not apparent, often combined with masking to prevent others from noticing.

Variable ability - how our functioning and capacity can vary. This could depend on how rested we are, and can be something that shows up in certain circumstances. We may be very capable at something, and if something happens that throws a wrench in the system, we may not have the ability to adapt quickly. We may love and thrive in an activity, but the stimulation of it means we need a lot of time to recover after. Our capacity can be patchy in ways society doesn’t expect from us. We may for example be very intelligent or great leaders, and yet our ability to express ourselves emotionally, or to establish healthy self-care routines, can be more limited. Society tends to judge a lack of certain abilities more than others.  

Disability - What is a disability is relative to the society that we live in, and what is expected from us. For example, society expects us to be able to walk, talk, and regulate our emotions. Being differently abled is often associated with shame, so many of us do not want to recognize that we struggle with something that society expects from us.

Rejection sensitivity - more common in ND individuals, perhaps especially ADHD. It means that we are more prone to interpret something as a personal rejection, and feel this deeply.

Demand avoidance - more common in ND individuals, perhaps especially Autism, see also PDA below. It means that we may feel icky or resistant to a person or activity when we feel pressured. I think of it as a low threshold to detecting pressure.

Demand - something that requires something from us that we may not have the resources for, including paying attention, and social engagement.

Sensory sensitivity - Sensitivity to sensory experiences, which could be particular to one of the senses, eg. hearing (misophonia), touch, or vision. May show up as stress/ outbursts with sensory overstimulation, or a strong preference for clothing that feels good to wear.

Stimulation - We can have a demand for stimulation (common for ADHDers, as a way to produce dopamine), and we can be above our threshold where we don’t have any room for more.

Overstimulation - To be overwhelmed by input (information, words, sounds, light, touch, social interaction, et.c.). Common in autistic individuals, who may require lots of down-time in between activities to regenerate. ND people appear to have a different way of processing, focusing and filtering sensory stimulation, taking it all in at once. This may be one explanation for why ADHDers have difficulty focusing.

Attention deficit - It is not actually an attention deficit. ADHDers have difficulty focusing on things they are not interested in or curious about, and an extreme ability to focus on things that have their attention, even to the extent of neglecting bodily needs (hunger, thirst, rest, washroom breaks).

Hyperfocus - Tendency for neurodivergent individuals to focus intensely on one interest. The interest can change, in particular for ADHDers. Sinking into informational rabbit holes can be very attractive.

Hyperactivity - We can be hyperactive physically, and we can also be cognitively hyperactive, where our brains easily spirals and can’t stop thinking about something.

Inattentive ADHD - An often missed ADHD type, because it is not as apparent. Often seen as “day dreamers”.

Shutdown - We can freeze in a way where it is difficult to contact/ connect with us, kind of like a catatonic state where we can hear and see what is going on around us but we cannot respond.

Meltdown - A response to overstimulation, where we become unable to regulate our feelings.

PMDD - Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, simplified ‘extreme PMS’, which can lead to difficulty regulating emotions 1-2 weeks after ovulation as hormone levels shift. We are learning more about how ND symptoms can be enhanced in response to hormones, and symptoms may be stronger during puberty, pregnancy and menopause.

Asexual & Aromantic - absence of having sexual or romantic feelings, desires and attraction.

Demi-sexual - when sexual feelings, desires and attraction arise from emotional connection, and not from visual cues and appearance.

Gender dysphoria - a sense that ones gender does not match the one assigned at birth.

Polyamory/ Ethical non-monogamy - parallel consensual engagement in more than one sexual/ romantic partner.

* Asexuality, polyamory and gender dysphoria is more common in the ND population.

Emotional/ Relational Trauma - There are many excellent definitions, all with valuable pieces. I like to think of it as an overwhelm of our system. Why I mention it here is because ND peeps tend to be more vulnerable to trauma. This may be because of how our system functions, how we may be misunderstood and interpreted by NTs in hurtful ways, how parents and teachers may get frustrated because they don’t ‘get us’, and because we were raised by unaware ND parents that didn’t have enough spoons to parent and caretake us. Hence, trauma tends to be intermingled and layered with our neurodivergence.

* Two things that are important about trauma is that a) it is not what happened that causes the trauma, it is the alone-ness around it. When we receive the emotional support we need to manage the overwhelm, we can process and shed the experience, and b) While trauma happens in relationship, it is also healed in (safe) relationship. This is called repair. Our systems naturally hold the capacity to repair when we create the proper conditions for it.

Compassion - Another misnomer about ND/ autism is that we have less feelings or compassion. We can actually be overly compassionate (the other extreme), and easily sense/ read things beyond words. This is one reason why the connection between ND peeps may be felt as deeper; words are not always necessary, and can even feel as if they get in the way of just being close. We are starting to understand that while ND people may be less confident at interpreting NT social cues, or be so overwhelmed with emotion that taking in social cues is impossible, this does not mean that we do not care or feel compassion when we understand what the other person is expressing or experiencing. ND people that have some trouble communicating or mirroring facial expressions can also appear less compassionate, because of their difficult to emote, express or verbalize their caring.

Social interaction - We are usually social beings. Many NDs prefer fewer and deeper friendships, and have a dislike for ‘small talk’. If we struggle with overwhelm, we may have to excuse ourselves from social situations, not because we don’t like it (even though that can also be true), but because we have used up all our spoons. Being social in NT environments in particular can be quite exhausting. Just like NTs, ND people range from introverted through extroverted (extroversion can sometimes be interpreted as being more social, because extroversion can help us making new connections). It is possible that ND individuals have different structuring of our mirror neurons, and that this could be why we sometimes misinterpret social cues. It is not because we don’t feel with others, or because we are not social beings.

* Some of us carry multiple diagnoses, and some only one (and a diagnosis is not required to identify as ND). There is also an overlap of symptoms and we can be misdiagnosed by a clinician that may not know enough about the overlaps. There appears to be an overlap as well as diagnostic confusion between borderline personality disorder (BPD) and autism in women (autistic women get misdiagnosed as BPD, see below), OCD and autism, and ODD and PDA. This cannot be said without clarifying that I am not a diagnosing clinician, and I do not diagnose.

ARFID - Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. A medical term for picky eaters. I think of it as anxiety around food, perhaps because of the internal sensory experience of eating. We may stick to a limited range of preferred foods, and be very particular about brands (then suddenly change to a new one!), or not want foods on a plate to touch other foods et.c.

Hypermobility/ EDS - Ehlers Danlos Syndrome is a set of conditions with differences in connective tissue that is more common in the ND population. The most common form is hEDS (hypermobile), where the person is overly flexible in the joints.

C-PTDS - complex, or relational, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (see also trauma above). Simplified, I like to think of it as PTSD arising from childhood trauma, or from an abusive relationship. ND peeps may have confusion on how we deserve to be treated, or a different sense of boundaries, which may make us more vulnerable to not pick up on abuse. We can also have a different “attachment structure”, which means that we differ in how we experience closeness and emotional connection. It can be more fleeting and deeper at the same time.

OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Can show up as an aspect of autism, or be an entirely separate condition.

ODD - Oppositional Defiant Disorder, as listen in the DSMV. Personally I wonder if this is the medical-model description of PDA, and if not there is at least a large overlap.

Self-medicating - If we have not been able to find the support, medication or self-awareness that we need to live productive and meaningful lives, we may have turned to chemical help in the form of recreational drugs.

Gestalt language - a way of processing language, which means that we process the whole (or images), rather than the analytical way of processing, which builds language from smaller pieces.

Stimming - a way of self-soothing, for example by movement (twirling hair or twitching leg), or vocalization (such as echolalia, where we are repeating sounds or phrases).

Body doubling - A technique using someone else’s presence to engage in an activity that may be difficult to get started with. There are websites that pair people up for this (see below).

Co-regulation - we learn to self-regulate through an emotionally available and caring adult. Co-regulation means that we lend our nervous system to someone else, to help them calm and soothe. We need to be grounded and present in our bodies to be able to do this.

Low-demand parenting (also “Plan C”) - focusing on activities that will help to soothe the nervous system, and avoiding anything that can feel as demanding for the child. This is usually done during a period of overwhelm to allow the child to regenerate, and then return to “Plan B”, or CPS (Collaborative & Proactive Solutions, see below).

Spoons - refers to our current capacity. When we are overwhelmed we may say that we “don’t have enough spoons”.

Declarative language - invitational and curious approach to communicating, with awareness of nonverbal cues, that offers autonomy and a sense of competence. More info on this below.

Podcasts (two of many!): 

Different Minds (Offord) https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/differentminds/episodes/Life-with-autism-and-ADHD-e1b2tao/a-a70nl9o 

https://embracingintensity.com/240-dr-matt-zakreski/ 

Youtube (two of many!): 

https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD  (she speaks very fast, too fast for me!) 

https://www.youtube.com/@realpaigelayle 

Autobiographic books (may be available as audio!): 

AUTISM

But everyone feels this way, Paige Layle (https://www.instagram.com/paigelayle/?hl=en)

You don't look autistic at all, Bianca Toeps

Different not less, Chloe Hayden

Drama Queen, Sara Gibbs (https://www.instagram.com/sara_rose_g/?hl=en) 

C-PTSD

What my bones know, Stephanie Foo

Books with useful tools, strategies and perspectives:

Laziness does not exist, Devon Price

Divergent Mind, Jenara Nerenberg

Unmasking autism, Devon Price

ADHD after dark, Ari Tuckman - how to relationship with ADHD

How to keep house while drowning, KC Davis (tiktok @domesticblisters and IG @strugglecare)

High on life, David J Phillips - how to boost mood-regulating substances (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone, cortisol, endorphin)

Declarative Language handbook, Linda K Murphy (@declarativelanguage)

Definitions & non-medical models

https://therapistndc.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/Flipping-the-Autism-Narrative-Video-Guide.pdf 

https://neuroqueer.com/throw-away-the-masters-tools/ 

https://therapistndc.org/advocacy/disability-rights-are-civil-rights/ 

https://therapistndc.org/education/ 

Self-tests (including ADHD): 

https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/
Unfortunately, as far as I am aware, formal ADHD assessments require some anecdotal evidence (such as from a parent) that ADHD symptoms were present in childhood. One problem with that is that we may not remember enough about our childhood, or have understood enough about ADHD to know what to include.

“Female presentation”:

How ND women (and some men) present with different or more subtle symptoms. A common hyperfocus for ND women is relationships and psychology.

https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/inattentive-women-with-adhd-2/ 

https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/ 

https://embrace-autism.com/its-not-bpd-its-autism/

ADHD

https://www.additudemag.com/

https://www.focusmate.com/ (Website to book body doubling sessions)

Giftedness 

https://www.davidsongifted.org/gifted-blog/profiles-of-the-gifted-and-talented/ 

PDA - Persistent Drive for Autonomy:

PDA is not a medical diagnosis in Canada, but in countries where it is available the medical definition is Pathological Demand Avoidance.

https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/about-pda/what-is-demand-avoidance/ 

thepdaspace.com

OCD

https://www.treatmyocd.com/education/different-types-of-ocd

Hypermobility/ EDS:

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/what-is-eds/

BC/ Canadian facebook groups:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/redefiningautismbc/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/392570284200832 - Canadian PDA

https://www.facebook.com/share/g/rY7ywCCwWJRSnMua/ (ADHD for Smart Ass Women)

Finding an ND and ND-affirmative therapist:

https://neurodivergentcounselling.ca/resources/find-nd-counsellor/

Recommended Vancouver-based Autism assessors:

Dr Grace Iarocci, Dr Ashley Heiner (skilled in picking up non-typical and “female-presenting” autism)

https://diversitycentre.net/dr-wallace-wong-r-psych/ (skilled in gender dysphoria and the overlap with ND)

Parenting resources:
https://livesinthebalance.org/parents-and-families-tour/ (CPS, Collaborative & Proactive Solutions)

https://self-reg.ca/self-reg-101/

https://www.kristyforbes.com.au/ (including tools and skills for PDA parents)

https://www.mentalhealthfoundations.ca/resources (including resources on eating disorders)

https://www.theinformedslp.com/review/let-s-give-them-something-to-gestalt-about (Gestalt language)

https://thechildhoodcollective.com/2021/10/15/help-your-child-self-regulate-with-declarative-language/

https://www.camillelong.com/resources (including worksheets to prepare for your child’s assessment)

Why I do NOT recommend or support behavioural therapy or ABA, including social skills training:

I see it as a form of conversion therapy. The goal is not to become NT, but to live a life that has purpose with as much functionality as possible.

Learning and therapeutic intervention must be driven by the client’s own wants, goals and choices. The persistent self-criticism that develops from constantly experiencing that who we are is not “good enough” is much more damaging than “misinterpreting” social interaction.

https://therapistndc.org/neurodiversity-and-autism-intervention-aba-cant-be-reconciled/ 

Other media:

https://hbr.org/2017/05/neurodiversity-as-a-competitive-advantage

Humour & Values:

ND people can be wildly funny. It is also common that ND peeps feel strongly about authenticity and social justice. Being atypical, embracing ourselves often means celebrating the wonderfully weird. You may already know of Hanna Gadsby, who has included their autistic traits in their comedy. Rebel Wilson, Celeste Barber, Eddie Izzard, and most of the SNL cast strike me as possibly ND. Talking about SNL - if you have not watched the beautiful documentary Harper & Will yet, I highly recommend it, it is very authentic, compassionate and endearing! Here are a couple of other ones that I personally have enjoyed:

https://www.tinafriml.com/

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/jenaAnwf2u4PN68B/ (references sexual interaction)